Day 8

Im finally getting the chance to be on here for a while and write. I've missed it. And a couple of things have happened lately. I'll clue all of you in on a post about where I've been the last 2 weeks. Anyway, Im going to do a letter of course.

dear ex:
dear girl I hate:
dear someone I love:
dear ex bestfriend:
dear bestfriend:
dear mom:
dear dad:
dear old me:
dear new me:

Oh goodness. Its sad how you don't let people see how smart you are. You know that you are, but why don't you show it? People would probably accept you more if they knew. You're beautiful and you know it, but once again you don't show it. For someone who is as outspoken as you are, you figured you would be okay with yourself. But you aren't, you hide. Sure the only person that actually knows you for you is your boyfriend. But so many people enjoy you, so many people love who you are. And behind all the things you hide, they'll still love you. Just share yourself and open up, its okay. I know that you love to tell people how it is and take shit from no one. But sometimes that will get you in trouble. I know, you're not going to change your ways, too much has happened for that. But just remember try not to hurt the ones you love. You need to start believing in yourself. Because if you don't start no one will. You have amazing friends, and an amazing boyfriend. But don't take things for granted because things can change in an instant. I know you mean well, and so do all of the people you know. You're amazing, don't change.

Love, me.

Day 6

Okay everyone, I'm sorry that I haven't been writing lately. Like I said I actually do have a life. And I'm sorry to say that this will probably be the only post of the weekend until Sunday night (maybe). This one will be a good one.. hopefully.

dear ex:
dear girl I hate:
dear someone I love:
dear ex bestfriend:
dear bestfriend:
dear mom:
dear dad:
dear old me:
dear new me:

Dad, where do I even begin? You were my hero for the longest time, and now I feel like I'm starting to see the person that you really are. Not that you're all that bad of a person, but I'm seeing more of who everyone claimed you were. And I cant say that I'm really liking it. I love you a lot, and I always will. But you no longer have control over me like when I was younger and I think that scares you. Not that you ever had control over me since I've never lived with you. But you were always clued in about my life, and now you're not. I know about 2 years ago you really wanted me to move in with you, and I hurt and upset you that I didn't. But I think I would have to say that me not moving was a smart decision. I wouldn't be where I am in my life, and I don't think I would be able to deal with that. We've gone through a lot being together. I remember when things would be just about me and you when I would visit you. Now that we know where Brandon is when hes around it's about  him too, you've got your girlfriends two daughters and there always around, and now there is Jennifer a sister I didn't know about until a year ago.. I miss how things used to be. And yes, I am well aware that things change, but I don't think I could tell you the last time me and you have done anything just us because now there are just so many kids and it wouldn't be fair to spend the money on just me. But like I said, I guess times change. Soon I'm going to start be getting the money from SS and mom is afraid I'm going to blow it. I wont. I know I need to save it. But once I graduate I wont be getting money anymore, from SS that is. You have to keep paying me Child Support until I'm 21. Not that you pay it. I don't know when I'm going to talk to you about that, but I need to do it soon. I'm afraid that you're going to be upset with me because I told the school I didn't want them to be able to contact you anymore. Yeah, I know for sure you'll be mad over that. Now, you'll no longer be able to contact any of my teachers and vice versa. But I'm tired of hearing everyone bitch and complain about MY life and my decisions especially when and what I do in school. I understand that you and mom are just looking out for me, but I'm old enough and more mature to do things on my own now. Trust me you and mom have raised a great, responsible, mature girl. And I really feel like you and mom don't think or believe in me. And that really upsets me to say that. But trust me, Ill prove both of you wrong.

From, your little girl.

Day 5

Now back on track with my daily letters.

dear ex:
dear girl I hate:
dear someone I love:
dear ex bestfriend:
dear bestfriend:
dear mom:
dear dad:
dear old me:
dear new me:

Mom. I'm sorry for being the unruly teen that I am. Which I wouldn't say I'm really that unruly. Its just I don't want to listen to your rules. Yet again what teen does. I feel like I get it pretty hard compared to most for the fact you're a cop and you're 24/7 in my business. That's something I cant change. Honestly, I don't see me really keeping in contact with you when I move out or do my own thing. Just for the fact Ive had no choice to deal with you for 18 years of my life, and it was annoying. You never really let me do much because you felt that I was doing bad things. You always feel that I'm doing bad things just because you're a cop and you think you know how all teens act. But really, I'm probably one of the best ones out there that don't get in trouble. I know a couple of years back when I told you I didn't want to live with you anymore and I was going to move to FLA it really hurt your feelings. But you made me mad, you never let me do anything because you thought I was doing bad things. That the problem I have with you. You assume all the time and its annoying. I hate how you always try to be in my business and ask me questions all the time about everything. Honestly if I wanted you to know my life Id tell you. But I don't. Cause all you would do is judge and that's not what I want. I'm not going to lie, Ive think you raised a really good girl, and you taught me to always do the right thing. And I appreciate that a lot. But somethings I just cant over look, like the way you used to verbally abuse me. Its whatever now because you don't do it and I know I'm better than that. And maybe that's where my problems start with you, I don't know. Just remember though, Ill always be you're daughter.

Sincerely, you're youngest child.

Day 4

I know I haven't blogged since Thursday. Ive been busy. Sue me, I actually have a life. But I'm tired so be thankful I'm doing this. For whoever somehow finds my writings.

Today is best friend. It actually took me a while to figure this one out. Simple for the fact I don't have any best friends. Other than my boyfriend, but he has no choice but to be my best friend. But after a talk today with someone, it made it very clear who it is.

dear ex:
dear girl I hate:
dear someone I love:
dear ex bestfriend:
dear bestfriend:
dear mom:
dear dad:
dear old me:
dear new me:
Bestfriend, what can I honestly say about you? I guess I could start with the reason and fact of why we are best friends. We're the perfect bestfriends because we view friendships the same exact way. We realize that we don't have to be shoved up each others ass 24/7 to be considered best friends. We realize that we have our own lives separate from each other, and we realize that we both have our own boyfriends so obvisoluly its hard for us to spend a lot of time talking other than when we're at school. That's the kind of friendship I loveeeeee. Maybe that's why me and you have lasted being friends for so long. That and well, maybe for the fact my mom actually likes you. :p Lets see, our beautiful friendship started all because of Ryan. :) I tried so hard to get you hooked up with him in 7th grade. Those we're the good years. I know even though we enjoy how everything is now-a-days, we would give anything to go back to 2007 when we were all still together. I love our friendship because even though we don't talk all the time when we do, its like nothing has changed and we're just picking up to where we left off. You're always there for me, and you understand me really well. Which is what I need in my life. I need people who understand me. I don't have time to explain myself. I love how we have our little lesbian ways, and how we believe that more than half the school thinks we're gay for each other because we're constantly grabbing one anothers private parts, but we do it for the fun. ;) This is our last year in school together and I really don't know what Im going to do without you.. I know you will only be a call away, but I'm scarred that we'll drift apart. But I know that it'll be okay, because I know that no matter what we'll just pick up to where we left off. Because that's what we do. We act like nothings changed and we just continue forward. I want you to know that no matter what I will always be here for you. I know you go through a lot in your life but if you ever need me, like I said each of us is only a call away. Well, we have 6 months left in school but I really feel like Im writing something that will go in your yearbook so its making me a little teary eyed (don't worry, what I write will be a million times better than this. That way every time you read it you cry, lol). But I need to end this before I start bawling my eyes out. We need to make this last 6 months count. We need to make it unforgettable like the rest of our friendship. We need to make it count.

I'll always be here when you need a friend. Love you forever, your bestfriend.

Day 3

I'm going to skip someone I love for the end. I have too much on my mind right now to attempt to write that one. So Ill go ahead and do Ex Bestfriend. It'll probably be a long one, so prepare yourself.

dear ex:
dear girl I hate:
dear someone I love:
dear ex bestfriend:
dear bestfriend:
dear mom:
dear dad:
dear old me:
dear new me:

You know, I wouldn't say that I really regret our friendship. I mean all in all, we had some really good times. But I guess the more you are around someone the better you get to know them, and I think that's what happened to us. Honestly I think if we were to be in a room together by ourselves, I'd probably try to murder you from all the shit that you've tried pulling in the past 3 years. You're an attention whore, and everything has to be about you 24/7. With all the rumors about my boyfriend (your ex, not the same girl from the girl I hate letter) you started, to the shit talking about me and all the other friends you've lost that have been my friend way before you've ever met them, you deserve all the shit that happens in your life. I'm sorry, and I know that's mean. How can someone go from being best friends to thinking something like that? Well, like I said, I feel like you just love to have everything about you, and when its not you find some way to make it about you. Its really not that cool. If you were at all smart, like I know that you actually are you'd realise that you have lost more than 5 friends within the past 5 years. If you would think about it, maybe that means there is something wrong with you and maybe you should change your attitude about somethings. The other day you got into a so called 'fight' at school. Personally (not even for the fact it was with my best friend) I wish you would have gotten the shit beat out of you. I think just one time someone needs to show you up. It wont be me. The drama I have with you is gone, and I could careless about you and the choices you make today. Its upsetting that things ended the way they did. And its not like it was over anything major, but I guess one thing led to another and things just started to build up. I really hope that as you get older you learn that you're life is what you make it and you don't always have to be involved in drama like you always are. I hope you grow up and become mature. Even though we are no longer friends and never will be, I hope you find you're way in this world and it ends up being everything and more for you.

From a friend you'll never get back due to everything.

Day 2

Most people didn't do girl I hate, because they all said they didn't hate people. That's stupid. Weather or not anyone wants to admit it, we all hate someone.

dear ex:
dear girl I hate:
dear someone I love:
dear ex bestfriend:
dear bestfriend:
dear mom:
dear dad:
dear old me:
dear new me:

Well, I hate you a lot, and you know it. And honestly, throughout all the shit you put me and my boyfriend through I wouldn't accept an apology from you, ever. Everyone thought you were so nice, coming from a different country and all. But I was one of the few who actually got to see the side of who you really are. Don't think just because you aren't from America you get special treatment now, that's not how it works. You earn trust and respect, you don't just automatically get it. Even though I did bless you with it. You still messed it up. We only ever hung out outside of school 2 times one time at Walmart where I almost fought you, I wanted to fight you so bad. I should have hit you too. You deserved it for talking shit on people you don't even know. And the second time at my boyfriends (your boyfriend at the time) birthday party. I hope the only reason why you were allowed to go was because you promised you would be on your best behavior and not say anything to me. Because honestly, if you would have said one thing to me, I don't care if my boyfriends family was there, I would have hit you. It was pretty pathetic and shitty what you did. You came in and took MY 'BESTFRIEND' at the time, away from me.. honestly what gave you the right to even do that? You weren't here long enough to even know me, but because you were jealous and felt threatened you felt the need to destroy my life for 3 months. Everyone knows that what you did was a little fucked up, and that's why you almost got in trouble with the school. Like I said, just because you came from a different country doesn't mean you get treated differently than an American. And like I said, even if you came to me today for forgiveness, I wouldn't forgive you. You're are dead to me, plain and simple. Someday, even though I know you never will, I hope you read this. That way maybe you could just see how much you piss me off.

Have a good night, from a hater (and proud to be one)

I dont want to do this on Facebook. Day 1

Every one is doing this stuff on their status for Facebook, I think its kind of lame they're doing it on there. Smart people would use notes. I think it would be better.. That's just me. I wanna do it, but I don't want to do it on Facebook. So who better to share it with than the only person who reads my blog, Trevor? He is the only one I send the link to. Other than every once in a while my tumblr. But Ill start, I'm only doing one of these a day though.

dear ex:
dear girl I hate:
dear someone I love:
dear ex bestfriend:
dear bestfriend:
dear mom:
dear dad:
dear old me:
dear new me:

Well lets see, I liked you a lot. You know, I actually thought I loved you. Little did I know, I was wrong. I know I broke your heart when I broke things off with you, I know that. And I'm really sorry for doing it. But YOU made me wait 4 years to get the relationship I thought I wanted. When everything was said and done and we were finally a couple, I tried so hard to make myself believe that I was happy to be with you, but truth is I wasn't. I know from past experiences that if you aren't happy, you shouldn't be in a relationship and lead that person on. So that's what I did. I had to end it. I couldn't do that to you. You weren't a horrible person like most exes are to a girl, you were actually nice, somewhat. You made me happy for the time being when I was down. But I just couldn't deal with the waiting, I told you that. And you knew yourself that while you made me wait those last 2 and half months before we dated, I was falling for someone else. You deserved so much better, you deserved to be someone who would make your time worth while. Although, I cant' say we officially dated for very long 2 weeks if that. But I consider you an ex, we have history 4 years to be exact. You know, maybe me ending everything was good in the end. I know you were wanting to go back to Puerto Rico after you graduated, but I know that if/when we had ever dated you wouldn't go if I was in the picture. Now that I'm out, you're back home where you wanted to be, and I hope you are happy being back there. Yes, when we broke up you got on my nerves. You kept telling me you wanted me back, you couldn't picture you're life with anyone else. But I guess that's what happens when you're heart breaks, you beg for people back. And I can honestly say all the times we were 'on and off' unofficially, never once was I heartbroken over it, I guess that right there should have been the first sign I didn't really want you. I know you had a future for us. You told me how you wanted our lives to be when we got married when we had kids and all that stuff. But another thing, that just wasn't the life I saw for myself. You know, its probably a good thing you will never read this, because I'm sure you hate me now and you would just laugh in my face. But I guess in short, I just want to tell you that I hope you are happy, and I'm sorry for hurting you. It wasn't my intention.

From, just a girl seeking forgiveness.