I feel like I am one of the few who hasn't posted about Christmas all too much this year. I don't know, I just don't feel all too into the season like I did the past 4 years. Maybe its the weather since its like almost 60 degrees everyday. Plus, Christmas to me doesn't have the same meaning as for everyone else.
Most kids are out there looking for the presents. And then you have the few who say oh, its all about the family. But honestly how many teenagers do you think actually feel that way? Not many I can guarantee you that. I can honestly say though, I understand the true meaning of Christmas. Ive known what is was like to have it ALL be about family, and have it be ALL about giving and NOT receiving. It happened the Christmas of 2008. For my birthday present my mother took me to NYC so I could stay with my grandparents and my cousin who was staying there for a month or 2. While I was there I didn't get many presents. The thing I remember the most was getting 50 dollars and a pair of socks. That's not much at all. But that's not what it was about. It was the fact I was spending the time with my family that I haven't see in ages. It was the fact that it was just family. I didn't need any big present to take back and show my friends. Because of that Christmas I have gotten the best present anyone could give me. The best Christmas of my life. That Christmas I spent 2 and a half weeks in NYC no heat, no running watter sometimes for 3 days in a row. All we could do was bake bake bake. Since it was cold we needed the oven on so we figured we would bake over 15 types of cookies. And now every weekend in December my cousin, my grandmother, and I bake a whole bunch of types of cookies. We started a tradition that me and my cousin are going to keep going in our family. Its something we learned when we were up there. Its not about the receiving. Its about the giving. Its about spending time with family and realizing that you have it good as long as you have your family there with you. And that's what Christmas is to me. I don't need things on Christmas, I could do without. As long as I knew I had my family with me, that's all that matters.
I would give anything to go back and re-live that Christmas, it meant so much to me. And I know it meant a lot to my grandmother seeing as it was her last Christmas in NYC.
Christmas will never have the same meaning to me ever again. Its like experiences like that, that Will change your life. Whether you know it or not.
I just wanted to share with everyone about my Christmas. So now it about things that are currently happening.
My best friend that lives in FLA just surprised me with the best present ever. I know its not about receiving, but I'm not receiving anything. She is coming home to visit and she is going to be staying back home for a good 5 months! She'll be here in 2 days. :) This is big news to everyone here where I live. You don't understand this girl was like a legend here. Anyway with that being said I don't know if I'll be on posting much this holiday season. Ive got too many things to do too many people to see so much shopping to do afterwards. :p
Merry Christmas, hope yours is wonderful!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Dont make me do something
Don't try to make me do something that I don't want to do.
I had a talk today with my friends sister. The one about the whole gay comment. Anyway, I don't know if I told you all this, but she was my good friend before all of this happened to. Anyway she came to school to hang out in 4rd period with him. I just sat there. I don't want anything to go down.
As I was working on the Senior Video (I'm the Editor for it. :)) She pulled a chair up beside me and started talking to me about it. She was mad with me, and still is a little bit. She said she knows that I'm outspoken. But I should have been a little nicer.
I don't know how many time I have to say that I understand what I said was a little mean. It''s not like it was purposely aimed to make him or anyone, for that matter, mad at me.
After she walked away and we said we were cool with each other, she asked me if I was going to apologize. I told her I would but that it would take time and I want things to get back to normal a little bit before I say anything.
Reasoning behind that, I don't want to say sorry. I feel like I haven't done wrong. Like I said, yea what I said was mean. But I'm not sorry for saying it. He asked, I told him.
After the school day ended my friend came up to me and said that he saw me and his sister talking, all I said was yeah she told me what she felt and I told her what I felt about the situation. Then he was like well, are you going to apologize.. Like wth, more than likely he will get his apology. Just stop pressuring me into trying to tell you. That's going to make me not want to tell you at all.
I don't know. I'm glad they had the balls to confront me about it and not try to do it over Facebook or whatever.
After talking to my best friend and boy friend, they think this is all stupid bullshit. That I shouldn't have to say sorry for anything. And that his sister shouldn't be pressuring me into doing anything.
I guess I'll just have to wait it out and see how things go.
I had a talk today with my friends sister. The one about the whole gay comment. Anyway, I don't know if I told you all this, but she was my good friend before all of this happened to. Anyway she came to school to hang out in 4rd period with him. I just sat there. I don't want anything to go down.
As I was working on the Senior Video (I'm the Editor for it. :)) She pulled a chair up beside me and started talking to me about it. She was mad with me, and still is a little bit. She said she knows that I'm outspoken. But I should have been a little nicer.
I don't know how many time I have to say that I understand what I said was a little mean. It''s not like it was purposely aimed to make him or anyone, for that matter, mad at me.
After she walked away and we said we were cool with each other, she asked me if I was going to apologize. I told her I would but that it would take time and I want things to get back to normal a little bit before I say anything.
Reasoning behind that, I don't want to say sorry. I feel like I haven't done wrong. Like I said, yea what I said was mean. But I'm not sorry for saying it. He asked, I told him.
After the school day ended my friend came up to me and said that he saw me and his sister talking, all I said was yeah she told me what she felt and I told her what I felt about the situation. Then he was like well, are you going to apologize.. Like wth, more than likely he will get his apology. Just stop pressuring me into trying to tell you. That's going to make me not want to tell you at all.
I don't know. I'm glad they had the balls to confront me about it and not try to do it over Facebook or whatever.
After talking to my best friend and boy friend, they think this is all stupid bullshit. That I shouldn't have to say sorry for anything. And that his sister shouldn't be pressuring me into doing anything.
I guess I'll just have to wait it out and see how things go.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Soon, but not soon enough
Lets see, I don't even know where to start. A lot of things happened, mostly with my friend, the one I wrote the angry best friend post about. I'll update you all on that. Then there is the whole finally talking to my boyfriend about telling me how he feels. Then drama with my mom. Ugh too much. I'll sum it all up as best as I can though. Sorry if it gets boring at all. My life cant always be that interesting.
Well lets see I last started off with my best friend being mad at me. I know you guys don't know why, but I'll tell you. I told him he looked gay. But like I keep saying, he asked me for my opinion. Anyway, I wrote something on facebook and I said how it was sad that a friendship could change because of one thing. He thought it would be best to go on his facebook and say how it was sad that I was making this all seem like it was his fault, I never did that. So me being the outspoken person I am, I texted him. I wasn't about to let that shit fly. All in all the conversation went bad. He told me he wasn't going to talk to me until I apologized. That wasn't going to happen. In my mind I did nothing wrong. A day or 2 goes by and then this is when shit really hit the fan. His mom wrote about me on facebook. Let me just say when a 50 year old woman writes about a teenage and then tells me I need to grow up don't expect me NOT to say something back. So I wrote his mom a message and told her that she was an older woman and need to stop saying shit about me on facebook. That this was between me and her son. She tried telling me that she never used my name so I must have felt guilty. I wrote he back and said that I didn't feel guilty that it was obvious, and she knew I was right. That's why she deleted all of the comments and post she had made about me. That's right, it was more than one. Well, after me and her talked a little bit more we became okay. I think she might have understood where I was coming from, which is so hard to believe. Anyway, my birthday was on Wednesday, and she said happy birthday to me, my 'friend' and his girlfriend who is also my 'friend' wished me a happy birthday. Which you have no idea how shocking it was for me to hear them tell me. And I know how shitty is it to have drama going on the week of your birthday. And soooo, where things take a turn for the better. This Friday that just passed was like a normal day for me. I was walking to my car where the whole group parks and out of no where my friend tells me that my hair looked pretty.. I was confused as fuck. But I said thank you and he asked me about it and I answered his questions. It was surprising that he was talking to me seeing as I didn't apologize. Well, after that we stood there talking to the group for about 15 minutes and were chillin. When his girlfriend, also may I remind you once again my friend too before all of this, it was so clear that she was pissed off he was talking to me. I don't know why she was acting like that, but she was. It makes me wonder about things some.Well by then end of all of this my boyfriend and I were leaving. My boyfriend left and I was backing out I turned to leave and there he was smiling and waving bye to me.
I really don't know what to think of this. Maybe something good. Maybe he's over everything and we can go back to the way things were. I don't know. I guess I'll find out tomorrow when I go to school. I hope everything goes back to normal I don't want to deal with any of this crap anymore. Although his girlfriend, what a bitch. I'm sorry I know I was friends with her before, but its like you were my friend you get mad and don't talk when he's mad. Its like you aren't your own individual person, and I don't want to be friends with someone like that.
Hm, what to update on next. I guess I could start with the talk my boyfriend and I had. I know the last time I posted something about him I was upset because I didn't know if he even wanted to be with me, and he didn't tell me how he felt about me anymore. But we talked and all is well. I still had doubts long after that post, and I didn't know what to do anymore. While I was at school, wasn't even there for 5 minutes. And I started to cry, after my boyfriend went to class. I walked into my first period and my best friend had asked me what was wrong and I told her everything. She told me that I should just talk to him because she knew that he still wanted to be with me because she knows our relationship will always last and she said that she can tell that he's loved me more than anything and she can see it when we are together. I told her I didn't know if I was going to talk to him but if I did Id let her know. It actually happened to be 3 days later when we talked. He took me out to dinner and everything was alright, everything seemed to be better than it had in awhile. We came back to my house and we were watching a movie, and that's when for some reason I was doubting everything. I was sitting there and he could tell that something was wrong with me. He just knew it. But he also knew that if he was going to ask me I would just say that everything was okay. After awhile he started to see some tears he asked me and I said nothing. Well when the movie ended he looked at me again and he asked me again, and for some reason I couldn't just hold it in anymore. I broke down and I told him.. While I cried he sat there and held me in his arms and when I was finally done he started to talk to me. He told me that he was sorry for not telling me how he feels anymore, its just that I should know. Because he said his feeling will never change. He told me he would always love me and that he wouldn't know what he would do with about me. Yeah, I know I'm getting mush and annoying about it. So I'm done. But all in all, we're good. We talked about everything and things couldn't be better.
Blahhh, its my mothers turn now. Right now, she gets on my nerves. She told me that mine and my boyfriend relationship was going to go to shit. I have nothing more to say about that right now.
Anyway I'm pretty sure that's all I have to update everyone on. I'm sorry that I haven't been on as much as I should. But I'll try to post more often.
I was trying to aim for one a day. But I don't think I'll be able to commit to that. So I think for now I'll try to commit to 4 a week. I hope that sounds good to all of you. In the meantime, stay safe, have fun, and Merry Christmas if I don't post by then. :)
Well lets see I last started off with my best friend being mad at me. I know you guys don't know why, but I'll tell you. I told him he looked gay. But like I keep saying, he asked me for my opinion. Anyway, I wrote something on facebook and I said how it was sad that a friendship could change because of one thing. He thought it would be best to go on his facebook and say how it was sad that I was making this all seem like it was his fault, I never did that. So me being the outspoken person I am, I texted him. I wasn't about to let that shit fly. All in all the conversation went bad. He told me he wasn't going to talk to me until I apologized. That wasn't going to happen. In my mind I did nothing wrong. A day or 2 goes by and then this is when shit really hit the fan. His mom wrote about me on facebook. Let me just say when a 50 year old woman writes about a teenage and then tells me I need to grow up don't expect me NOT to say something back. So I wrote his mom a message and told her that she was an older woman and need to stop saying shit about me on facebook. That this was between me and her son. She tried telling me that she never used my name so I must have felt guilty. I wrote he back and said that I didn't feel guilty that it was obvious, and she knew I was right. That's why she deleted all of the comments and post she had made about me. That's right, it was more than one. Well, after me and her talked a little bit more we became okay. I think she might have understood where I was coming from, which is so hard to believe. Anyway, my birthday was on Wednesday, and she said happy birthday to me, my 'friend' and his girlfriend who is also my 'friend' wished me a happy birthday. Which you have no idea how shocking it was for me to hear them tell me. And I know how shitty is it to have drama going on the week of your birthday. And soooo, where things take a turn for the better. This Friday that just passed was like a normal day for me. I was walking to my car where the whole group parks and out of no where my friend tells me that my hair looked pretty.. I was confused as fuck. But I said thank you and he asked me about it and I answered his questions. It was surprising that he was talking to me seeing as I didn't apologize. Well, after that we stood there talking to the group for about 15 minutes and were chillin. When his girlfriend, also may I remind you once again my friend too before all of this, it was so clear that she was pissed off he was talking to me. I don't know why she was acting like that, but she was. It makes me wonder about things some.Well by then end of all of this my boyfriend and I were leaving. My boyfriend left and I was backing out I turned to leave and there he was smiling and waving bye to me.
I really don't know what to think of this. Maybe something good. Maybe he's over everything and we can go back to the way things were. I don't know. I guess I'll find out tomorrow when I go to school. I hope everything goes back to normal I don't want to deal with any of this crap anymore. Although his girlfriend, what a bitch. I'm sorry I know I was friends with her before, but its like you were my friend you get mad and don't talk when he's mad. Its like you aren't your own individual person, and I don't want to be friends with someone like that.
Hm, what to update on next. I guess I could start with the talk my boyfriend and I had. I know the last time I posted something about him I was upset because I didn't know if he even wanted to be with me, and he didn't tell me how he felt about me anymore. But we talked and all is well. I still had doubts long after that post, and I didn't know what to do anymore. While I was at school, wasn't even there for 5 minutes. And I started to cry, after my boyfriend went to class. I walked into my first period and my best friend had asked me what was wrong and I told her everything. She told me that I should just talk to him because she knew that he still wanted to be with me because she knows our relationship will always last and she said that she can tell that he's loved me more than anything and she can see it when we are together. I told her I didn't know if I was going to talk to him but if I did Id let her know. It actually happened to be 3 days later when we talked. He took me out to dinner and everything was alright, everything seemed to be better than it had in awhile. We came back to my house and we were watching a movie, and that's when for some reason I was doubting everything. I was sitting there and he could tell that something was wrong with me. He just knew it. But he also knew that if he was going to ask me I would just say that everything was okay. After awhile he started to see some tears he asked me and I said nothing. Well when the movie ended he looked at me again and he asked me again, and for some reason I couldn't just hold it in anymore. I broke down and I told him.. While I cried he sat there and held me in his arms and when I was finally done he started to talk to me. He told me that he was sorry for not telling me how he feels anymore, its just that I should know. Because he said his feeling will never change. He told me he would always love me and that he wouldn't know what he would do with about me. Yeah, I know I'm getting mush and annoying about it. So I'm done. But all in all, we're good. We talked about everything and things couldn't be better.
Blahhh, its my mothers turn now. Right now, she gets on my nerves. She told me that mine and my boyfriend relationship was going to go to shit. I have nothing more to say about that right now.
Anyway I'm pretty sure that's all I have to update everyone on. I'm sorry that I haven't been on as much as I should. But I'll try to post more often.
I was trying to aim for one a day. But I don't think I'll be able to commit to that. So I think for now I'll try to commit to 4 a week. I hope that sounds good to all of you. In the meantime, stay safe, have fun, and Merry Christmas if I don't post by then. :)
Day 8
Im finally getting the chance to be on here for a while and write. I've missed it. And a couple of things have happened lately. I'll clue all of you in on a post about where I've been the last 2 weeks. Anyway, Im going to do a letter of course.
dear ex:
dear girl I hate:
dear someone I love:
dear ex bestfriend:
dear bestfriend:
dear mom:
dear dad:
dear old me:
dear new me:
Oh goodness. Its sad how you don't let people see how smart you are. You know that you are, but why don't you show it? People would probably accept you more if they knew. You're beautiful and you know it, but once again you don't show it. For someone who is as outspoken as you are, you figured you would be okay with yourself. But you aren't, you hide. Sure the only person that actually knows you for you is your boyfriend. But so many people enjoy you, so many people love who you are. And behind all the things you hide, they'll still love you. Just share yourself and open up, its okay. I know that you love to tell people how it is and take shit from no one. But sometimes that will get you in trouble. I know, you're not going to change your ways, too much has happened for that. But just remember try not to hurt the ones you love. You need to start believing in yourself. Because if you don't start no one will. You have amazing friends, and an amazing boyfriend. But don't take things for granted because things can change in an instant. I know you mean well, and so do all of the people you know. You're amazing, don't change.
Love, me.
dear girl I hate:
dear someone I love:
dear new me:
Oh goodness. Its sad how you don't let people see how smart you are. You know that you are, but why don't you show it? People would probably accept you more if they knew. You're beautiful and you know it, but once again you don't show it. For someone who is as outspoken as you are, you figured you would be okay with yourself. But you aren't, you hide. Sure the only person that actually knows you for you is your boyfriend. But so many people enjoy you, so many people love who you are. And behind all the things you hide, they'll still love you. Just share yourself and open up, its okay. I know that you love to tell people how it is and take shit from no one. But sometimes that will get you in trouble. I know, you're not going to change your ways, too much has happened for that. But just remember try not to hurt the ones you love. You need to start believing in yourself. Because if you don't start no one will. You have amazing friends, and an amazing boyfriend. But don't take things for granted because things can change in an instant. I know you mean well, and so do all of the people you know. You're amazing, don't change.
Love, me.
Oh goodness.
I am so sorry for everyone that is tuned into my blog. I cant believe how much I have been neglecting it. Things are so crazy right now. Ill post a few things for today to catch up on everything.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Day 7
Oh goodness. I am so sorry I have been neglecting my blog. I dont do it on purpose! Its just I have so much going on. I'll inform all of you whats going on after this. Right now Im going to do a letter. I wanna hurry up and finish these.
dear ex:
dear girl I hate:d
ear someone I love:
dear ex bestfriend:
dear bestfriend:
dear mom:
dear dad:
dear old me:
dear new me:
Don't worry about what everyone else has to say to you. You're Beautiful beyond belief. Sure things right now aren't the greatest but I promise that it all gets better. You'll lose the majority of your friends by your Senior year in high school but don't worry. You just know who is really there for you. Don't worry about finding a guy. You'll meet one hell of a guy who will change everything you could possibly believe in. Scary I know, but you'll be happy I promise you that. Try not to make mom too upset when you tell her you wasn't to move. She's is just looking out for you. And try not to hate the world so much. There tons of people out there who are full of shit. Try being a little nicer to people. Sure you'll be one to speak your mind, whether or not you believe it. But sometimes words can hurt people. You wont care for a while. But you'll understand when the time comes. People will lie to you, a lot. But you know when they are. Trust me you'll be good at looking into things and knowing the truth for yourself. Try not to want to grow up so fast. Things get harder than you can imagine. Don't lose sight of your goals and dreams. You may not know what you want to do now, but you will in a couple of years. And its something you enjoy doing. Don't let anyone tell you anything about yourself. You are you, and that's that. You're an amazing person and people will love you. Don't change for nobody.
Forever, you.
dear girl I hate:
ear someone I love:
dear old me:
dear new me:
Don't worry about what everyone else has to say to you. You're Beautiful beyond belief. Sure things right now aren't the greatest but I promise that it all gets better. You'll lose the majority of your friends by your Senior year in high school but don't worry. You just know who is really there for you. Don't worry about finding a guy. You'll meet one hell of a guy who will change everything you could possibly believe in. Scary I know, but you'll be happy I promise you that. Try not to make mom too upset when you tell her you wasn't to move. She's is just looking out for you. And try not to hate the world so much. There tons of people out there who are full of shit. Try being a little nicer to people. Sure you'll be one to speak your mind, whether or not you believe it. But sometimes words can hurt people. You wont care for a while. But you'll understand when the time comes. People will lie to you, a lot. But you know when they are. Trust me you'll be good at looking into things and knowing the truth for yourself. Try not to want to grow up so fast. Things get harder than you can imagine. Don't lose sight of your goals and dreams. You may not know what you want to do now, but you will in a couple of years. And its something you enjoy doing. Don't let anyone tell you anything about yourself. You are you, and that's that. You're an amazing person and people will love you. Don't change for nobody.
Forever, you.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Day 6
Okay everyone, I'm sorry that I haven't been writing lately. Like I said I actually do have a life. And I'm sorry to say that this will probably be the only post of the weekend until Sunday night (maybe). This one will be a good one.. hopefully.
dear ex:
dear girl I hate:
dear someone I love:
dear ex bestfriend:
dear bestfriend:
dear mom:
dear dad:
dear old me:
dear new me:
Dad, where do I even begin? You were my hero for the longest time, and now I feel like I'm starting to see the person that you really are. Not that you're all that bad of a person, but I'm seeing more of who everyone claimed you were. And I cant say that I'm really liking it. I love you a lot, and I always will. But you no longer have control over me like when I was younger and I think that scares you. Not that you ever had control over me since I've never lived with you. But you were always clued in about my life, and now you're not. I know about 2 years ago you really wanted me to move in with you, and I hurt and upset you that I didn't. But I think I would have to say that me not moving was a smart decision. I wouldn't be where I am in my life, and I don't think I would be able to deal with that. We've gone through a lot being together. I remember when things would be just about me and you when I would visit you. Now that we know where Brandon is when hes around it's about him too, you've got your girlfriends two daughters and there always around, and now there is Jennifer a sister I didn't know about until a year ago.. I miss how things used to be. And yes, I am well aware that things change, but I don't think I could tell you the last time me and you have done anything just us because now there are just so many kids and it wouldn't be fair to spend the money on just me. But like I said, I guess times change. Soon I'm going to start be getting the money from SS and mom is afraid I'm going to blow it. I wont. I know I need to save it. But once I graduate I wont be getting money anymore, from SS that is. You have to keep paying me Child Support until I'm 21. Not that you pay it. I don't know when I'm going to talk to you about that, but I need to do it soon. I'm afraid that you're going to be upset with me because I told the school I didn't want them to be able to contact you anymore. Yeah, I know for sure you'll be mad over that. Now, you'll no longer be able to contact any of my teachers and vice versa. But I'm tired of hearing everyone bitch and complain about MY life and my decisions especially when and what I do in school. I understand that you and mom are just looking out for me, but I'm old enough and more mature to do things on my own now. Trust me you and mom have raised a great, responsible, mature girl. And I really feel like you and mom don't think or believe in me. And that really upsets me to say that. But trust me, Ill prove both of you wrong.
From, your little girl.
dear girl I hate:
dear someone I love:
dear dad:
dear old me:
dear new me:
Dad, where do I even begin? You were my hero for the longest time, and now I feel like I'm starting to see the person that you really are. Not that you're all that bad of a person, but I'm seeing more of who everyone claimed you were. And I cant say that I'm really liking it. I love you a lot, and I always will. But you no longer have control over me like when I was younger and I think that scares you. Not that you ever had control over me since I've never lived with you. But you were always clued in about my life, and now you're not. I know about 2 years ago you really wanted me to move in with you, and I hurt and upset you that I didn't. But I think I would have to say that me not moving was a smart decision. I wouldn't be where I am in my life, and I don't think I would be able to deal with that. We've gone through a lot being together. I remember when things would be just about me and you when I would visit you. Now that we know where Brandon is when hes around it's about him too, you've got your girlfriends two daughters and there always around, and now there is Jennifer a sister I didn't know about until a year ago.. I miss how things used to be. And yes, I am well aware that things change, but I don't think I could tell you the last time me and you have done anything just us because now there are just so many kids and it wouldn't be fair to spend the money on just me. But like I said, I guess times change. Soon I'm going to start be getting the money from SS and mom is afraid I'm going to blow it. I wont. I know I need to save it. But once I graduate I wont be getting money anymore, from SS that is. You have to keep paying me Child Support until I'm 21. Not that you pay it. I don't know when I'm going to talk to you about that, but I need to do it soon. I'm afraid that you're going to be upset with me because I told the school I didn't want them to be able to contact you anymore. Yeah, I know for sure you'll be mad over that. Now, you'll no longer be able to contact any of my teachers and vice versa. But I'm tired of hearing everyone bitch and complain about MY life and my decisions especially when and what I do in school. I understand that you and mom are just looking out for me, but I'm old enough and more mature to do things on my own now. Trust me you and mom have raised a great, responsible, mature girl. And I really feel like you and mom don't think or believe in me. And that really upsets me to say that. But trust me, Ill prove both of you wrong.
From, your little girl.
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