Every one is doing this stuff on their status for Facebook, I think its kind of lame they're doing it on there. Smart people would use notes. I think it would be better.. That's just me. I wanna do it, but I don't want to do it on Facebook. So who better to share it with than the only person who reads my blog, Trevor? He is the only one I send the link to. Other than every once in a while my tumblr. But Ill start, I'm only doing one of these a day though.
dear ex:
dear girl I hate:
dear someone I love:
dear ex bestfriend:
dear bestfriend:
dear mom:
dear dad:
dear old me:
dear new me:
Well lets see, I liked you a lot. You know, I actually thought I loved you. Little did I know, I was wrong. I know I broke your heart when I broke things off with you, I know that. And I'm really sorry for doing it. But YOU made me wait 4 years to get the relationship I thought I wanted. When everything was said and done and we were finally a couple, I tried so hard to make myself believe that I was happy to be with you, but truth is I wasn't. I know from past experiences that if you aren't happy, you shouldn't be in a relationship and lead that person on. So that's what I did. I had to end it. I couldn't do that to you. You weren't a horrible person like most exes are to a girl, you were actually nice, somewhat. You made me happy for the time being when I was down. But I just couldn't deal with the waiting, I told you that. And you knew yourself that while you made me wait those last 2 and half months before we dated, I was falling for someone else. You deserved so much better, you deserved to be someone who would make your time worth while. Although, I cant' say we officially dated for very long 2 weeks if that. But I consider you an ex, we have history 4 years to be exact. You know, maybe me ending everything was good in the end. I know you were wanting to go back to Puerto Rico after you graduated, but I know that if/when we had ever dated you wouldn't go if I was in the picture. Now that I'm out, you're back home where you wanted to be, and I hope you are happy being back there. Yes, when we broke up you got on my nerves. You kept telling me you wanted me back, you couldn't picture you're life with anyone else. But I guess that's what happens when you're heart breaks, you beg for people back. And I can honestly say all the times we were 'on and off' unofficially, never once was I heartbroken over it, I guess that right there should have been the first sign I didn't really want you. I know you had a future for us. You told me how you wanted our lives to be when we got married when we had kids and all that stuff. But another thing, that just wasn't the life I saw for myself. You know, its probably a good thing you will never read this, because I'm sure you hate me now and you would just laugh in my face. But I guess in short, I just want to tell you that I hope you are happy, and I'm sorry for hurting you. It wasn't my intention.
From, just a girl seeking forgiveness.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Eating Disorders?
Honestly, if society wasn't they way it was today, I think a lot of people would be okay. I don't think they would feel the need to harm themselves.
5 years ago exactly on Thanksgiving that just passed, I passed out from not eating.. That's right, I was anorexic. Definitely not one of my smartest things, but at that moment in my life, I was happy. And let me say that's saying something because 7th grade was not a good year at all.. I had a lot of problems. I got told every day that I was 'big' and I only weighed 150, if that. I felt like something needed to be done, so sure enough something I could control and be so much more easier than a diet would to just not eat all together. As sick as it is to say, I was proud of it. I though, "Yes, I get to be skinny now. No one can judge me for being too skinny. I'll finally be happy." And like I said I was. I knew it was a problem when I passed out. It happened Thanksgiving day. I went to my step dad family's house in West VA. They kept trying to get me to eat because it was Thanksgiving, but I simply just sat there and said no, I was okay. Later that night every one was around the table talking and all of a sudden I got really dizzy, I didn't know what was going on, I remember getting up, and that was it. When I 'woke' back up I was hugging a toilet and my mother was coming into the bathroom to check on me. I told her I was okay, I didn't want her to worry. Next thing I knew I was burning up. I told her I was going out side because I was hot. I went outside without a jacket while it was snowing, and I was still burning up. When we got back to my step dads moms house, they made me eat. I felt a little bit better after that. After that moment, I knew that I was going to start eating again, that was the scariest thing I have ever gone through. I knew I couldn't do it anymore.
I know a lot of people that have gone without eating, and people who have made themselves throw up. And so far Ive herd that they didn't mind it because it made them happy. They had control over something, they finally felt good enough. For me to hear that, and to know that I ever thought that upsets me to no end.
Honestly though, I still think about going back to it. Almost everyday. I would give anything to be 'thin' again. Actually if I was comfortable with the fact of letting myself throw up, I'd do that. I know its probably sickening and sad to hear me say that, but its true. If only I had the guts to do it again. Who know, I might just have to.. I'm running out of lunch money. We'll see, I guess..
I just want all the girls out there to know that they are beautiful. Yea, trust me I know. It looks like I just made a contradictory statement. But its true, every one is. Even me. Its all just a matter of believing yourself if you are or not. No one can change your opinion of you, but you.
Don't forget, you are beautiful.
Love always, me
5 years ago exactly on Thanksgiving that just passed, I passed out from not eating.. That's right, I was anorexic. Definitely not one of my smartest things, but at that moment in my life, I was happy. And let me say that's saying something because 7th grade was not a good year at all.. I had a lot of problems. I got told every day that I was 'big' and I only weighed 150, if that. I felt like something needed to be done, so sure enough something I could control and be so much more easier than a diet would to just not eat all together. As sick as it is to say, I was proud of it. I though, "Yes, I get to be skinny now. No one can judge me for being too skinny. I'll finally be happy." And like I said I was. I knew it was a problem when I passed out. It happened Thanksgiving day. I went to my step dad family's house in West VA. They kept trying to get me to eat because it was Thanksgiving, but I simply just sat there and said no, I was okay. Later that night every one was around the table talking and all of a sudden I got really dizzy, I didn't know what was going on, I remember getting up, and that was it. When I 'woke' back up I was hugging a toilet and my mother was coming into the bathroom to check on me. I told her I was okay, I didn't want her to worry. Next thing I knew I was burning up. I told her I was going out side because I was hot. I went outside without a jacket while it was snowing, and I was still burning up. When we got back to my step dads moms house, they made me eat. I felt a little bit better after that. After that moment, I knew that I was going to start eating again, that was the scariest thing I have ever gone through. I knew I couldn't do it anymore.
I know a lot of people that have gone without eating, and people who have made themselves throw up. And so far Ive herd that they didn't mind it because it made them happy. They had control over something, they finally felt good enough. For me to hear that, and to know that I ever thought that upsets me to no end.
Honestly though, I still think about going back to it. Almost everyday. I would give anything to be 'thin' again. Actually if I was comfortable with the fact of letting myself throw up, I'd do that. I know its probably sickening and sad to hear me say that, but its true. If only I had the guts to do it again. Who know, I might just have to.. I'm running out of lunch money. We'll see, I guess..
I just want all the girls out there to know that they are beautiful. Yea, trust me I know. It looks like I just made a contradictory statement. But its true, every one is. Even me. Its all just a matter of believing yourself if you are or not. No one can change your opinion of you, but you.
Don't forget, you are beautiful.
Love always, me
Monday, November 28, 2011
Over analyzing communication
I know I am not the only person out there who happens to do this. But I feel like I am. That no one else thinks the things I do, but sure enough a ton of people out there do.
I over analyze way too many things. Its like I can be having a simple conversation with someone (texting of course) and they say something, I automatically go through my head and I'm like, "What did they mean by that'?"Its a pretty horrible habit that I wish I could get rid of. Oh, but if only it were that simple. I do it with everyone, mostly only on Facebook and through texting.
Perfect example, with my boyfriend. We text all the time, have you herd teenagers don't know how to properly use a phone now-a-days. :p Back to what I was saying, we can be texting and he will say something and automatically a million different scenarios will go through my head, all down to the worse one to ever think of, does he even want to me with me? I know, we're in love why would you think something like that especially over a text message? I don't know, I just do. when we are together everything is perfect, more than perfect. But it always seems to be the text messages that get me. Its the Over Analyzer in me.
This is why I wish Cell Phones were never invented. Don't get me wrong they do work wonders for when you are trying to get a hold of someone or vice versa. But all of this smart phone stuff I could totally do without. Even the texting I could do without. Same way about computers (especially Facebook!) I wish they weren't a part of every day life. I feel as if its just ruined America. Sure you are probably sitting there saying well you know if we didnt have computers or Internet you wouldn't be writing this blog right now, and yeah I get that. But everything was much better when things like this didn't exist.
I wish we could honestly go back to the time where to have a conversation with someone you had to call them, sure on a cell phone if needed. But you didn't have the option to text them, email them, facebook them, use twitter or whatever it is you may be using to get a hold of someone. I feel like too many people, like me, look into things when its written down. Id rather be able to hear a tone in someones voice than to read what they say and sit here and have to guess if they are happy, angry, sad, mad, etc.
I wouldn't mind going back to a simpler time. I feel like its necessary that everyone should cut back on the amount of Facebooking, Twittering IMing, Emailing, and texting we all do. Maybe then everything would be a little less chaotic in this world. Yet again, maybe I'm wrong and I don't know what I'm talking about.
Just a girl with an opinion no one will listen to.
Good night, sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.
I over analyze way too many things. Its like I can be having a simple conversation with someone (texting of course) and they say something, I automatically go through my head and I'm like, "What did they mean by that'?"Its a pretty horrible habit that I wish I could get rid of. Oh, but if only it were that simple. I do it with everyone, mostly only on Facebook and through texting.
Perfect example, with my boyfriend. We text all the time, have you herd teenagers don't know how to properly use a phone now-a-days. :p Back to what I was saying, we can be texting and he will say something and automatically a million different scenarios will go through my head, all down to the worse one to ever think of, does he even want to me with me? I know, we're in love why would you think something like that especially over a text message? I don't know, I just do. when we are together everything is perfect, more than perfect. But it always seems to be the text messages that get me. Its the Over Analyzer in me.
This is why I wish Cell Phones were never invented. Don't get me wrong they do work wonders for when you are trying to get a hold of someone or vice versa. But all of this smart phone stuff I could totally do without. Even the texting I could do without. Same way about computers (especially Facebook!) I wish they weren't a part of every day life. I feel as if its just ruined America. Sure you are probably sitting there saying well you know if we didnt have computers or Internet you wouldn't be writing this blog right now, and yeah I get that. But everything was much better when things like this didn't exist.
I wish we could honestly go back to the time where to have a conversation with someone you had to call them, sure on a cell phone if needed. But you didn't have the option to text them, email them, facebook them, use twitter or whatever it is you may be using to get a hold of someone. I feel like too many people, like me, look into things when its written down. Id rather be able to hear a tone in someones voice than to read what they say and sit here and have to guess if they are happy, angry, sad, mad, etc.
I wouldn't mind going back to a simpler time. I feel like its necessary that everyone should cut back on the amount of Facebooking, Twittering IMing, Emailing, and texting we all do. Maybe then everything would be a little less chaotic in this world. Yet again, maybe I'm wrong and I don't know what I'm talking about.
Just a girl with an opinion no one will listen to.
Good night, sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Its only been 7 months...
Yeah, Ive only been with my boyfriend for 7 months, and I love him. I know for a fact that he loves me too. But honestly sometimes I get the feeling that maybe he doesn't wanna be with me. I guess you could be sitting there thinking, if you know he loves you then why do you feel like that? Well the answer is pretty simple. He doesn't tell me how he feels about me anymore. Sure he will tell me that he loves me I don't know how many times a day. But that's all. I'm not saying he always needs to tell me how amazing I am. But it wouldn't hurt to do it every once in a while. I don't think that's asking for much.
This is weird but I can tell you the very last time he told me how great I was and all of the reasons why he loved me. It was September 12th. Here we are 2 and a half months later, still nothing. I tell him stuff like that maybe once a week. Even though I tell him just because I want to make sure he knows he's amazing, a little part of me is only doing it to see if maybe he'll say something back. But it just doesn't seem to work like that.
Who knows maybe this is just part of my insecurity kicking in. He's my first real boyfriend, my first love. So maybe its natural for me to feel upset about this. I don't know. I just feel that you should always constantly tell someone why they are amazing, they might forget it. That might be what holds them together. Espically someone like me who thinks so less of them self.
I know, the only way through a good relationship is communication. But I don't want to bring this up to him and feel like he is obligated to tell me how he feels. I want him to do it because he wants me to know how amazing I am. Not only that, but I don't want him to think that I don't think he loves me, and that our relationship could only consist of one thing. Becasue it completly doesn't. He would be very upset if I thought that way.
I guess this is just something I'm going to have to get over.
Anyway, I was just sharing my thoughts at the moment with no one in particular. Well good night whoever one day decides to read this.
Sleep tight.
This is weird but I can tell you the very last time he told me how great I was and all of the reasons why he loved me. It was September 12th. Here we are 2 and a half months later, still nothing. I tell him stuff like that maybe once a week. Even though I tell him just because I want to make sure he knows he's amazing, a little part of me is only doing it to see if maybe he'll say something back. But it just doesn't seem to work like that.
Who knows maybe this is just part of my insecurity kicking in. He's my first real boyfriend, my first love. So maybe its natural for me to feel upset about this. I don't know. I just feel that you should always constantly tell someone why they are amazing, they might forget it. That might be what holds them together. Espically someone like me who thinks so less of them self.
I know, the only way through a good relationship is communication. But I don't want to bring this up to him and feel like he is obligated to tell me how he feels. I want him to do it because he wants me to know how amazing I am. Not only that, but I don't want him to think that I don't think he loves me, and that our relationship could only consist of one thing. Becasue it completly doesn't. He would be very upset if I thought that way.
I guess this is just something I'm going to have to get over.
Anyway, I was just sharing my thoughts at the moment with no one in particular. Well good night whoever one day decides to read this.
Sleep tight.
It'll be nothing to fancy...
Lets see, I don't even know where I would start with this or why I would even start a blog. I guess just to write, to get things out that I don't want to share on Facebook, because I would prefer not everyone to know my life. But then why have a blog? Correct? I don't know, I guess that I would just feel more comfortable sharing my life with strangers than the people that actually know me.
What do you even write in a blog? My friend Trevor has one, and he talks about everything. But that's because he has so much knowledge about everything and he has so many problems (sorry Trevor if you ever read this) he can just post post post and never get tired of it. He made me decided to actually start a blog. But as I sit here and type this all I can think of is what will I be writing next? What will make other people want to ever read my blog, if anyone even finds it to read? What is it that people would like to read about me, or from what happens in my life? I cold write about my relationship with my boyfriend. But who would want to read about a teenagers relationship and how in love she is with him? I could write about the problems I have with my mother, but who wants to hear a teenager whine and complain about a life she should be thankful she has? I could write about my senior year adventures and all the exciting things I will do and never forget. But lets face it, where I live there is nothing to do so that would be a story ending quickly. I could write about all 3 of those things since that would be what consumes my life and then just hope for the best. Maybe that's what Ill do. And maybe no one will ever read, maybe a bunch of people read. I guess all I can do is hope for the best.
I'm gonna stick to this blogging thing. I kind of like it. Its nice to just write, get everything out and talk (type), since I have the problem of talking to people or just sharing my feelings in general. Sure, other people will see it but, I see it more as of talking to a computer. Yeah, I guess that would make me sound a little bit weird. Oh well though. We all are in our own little ways.
Hm, what more could I write here to make all you more interested in my blog other than me just talking about how I hope you all read it. I guess I could just start with the basics of my life and tell you a brief summary of what Ill more than likely be writing.
Well, I'm a Senior in High School and I couldn't be more excited. Yeah, in a couple of years I would be begging to go back, but right now, I just wish it would all end. I'm tired of seeing the people that I hate, tired of all the drama, tired of all the worrying about grades. Yeah, Ill be going to college (hopefully) and I will have to worry about a majority of the stuff there to, but I feel like it will be a much better experience than High School.
My boyfriend. I guess you could say that I'll more than likely post about him a lot. Not that I want to or anything but just for the fact that he's basically everything to me, and I spend most of my time with him. We've been dating for 7 months. I know 7 months and he's everything to me, and I spend all of my time with him, you all must think I'm crazy or something. The thing is though, we've been best friends for 5 years before we dated. We've been through more problems than I could ever imagine going through with somebody. But honestly, I'm glad its been with him though. I know I'm getting mushy about it. But when you've known or been apart of someones life for that long you get mushy. Most importantly, you fall in love. Another blog, another day, I just might tell the things we've gone through. But lets just hope he never finds out that I decided to run a blog and talk about him. He might not care, then yet again you never know. One day I might just show him this, I just might.
The problems Ive had with my mother I've had for just about as long as I can remember. Sure when I was 7 I didn't have problems with her. I think it would have started when I hit 6th grade so that means I would have been about 12 years old. Sure you can sit there and say that's the age around when kids start to have problems with their parents. But I'm 17 now, and nothing has changed, I still don't like her, once again sure I'm just a teenager, but I have the feeling that it will be like this for a long time, if not forever. I sometimes get the feeling that Ill end up like her and her mother. She doesn't talk to my grandmother at all. As a matter of fact I always get this strange feeling that she hates her for the childhood that she had. You figured since my mom knows that I don't like her, she wold do something different but she doesn't. You think she would have in the back of her mind that I'll probably be like her when it come to that when I'm older. I wont want anything to do with her. Oh well, she did it to herself. Thank goodness when December 14th comes around she cant tell me what to do. Sure her house her rules. But all of my other brothers and sisters were told that when they turned 18 they could do whatever, and they did. Seeing as I'm the youngest, I herd all of this. And I will raise hell if its not the same for me.
I feel like Ive talked about myself enough within this blog. And I don't have much of anything else to say, everything else just deserves its own blog when the time comes to talk about it.
Good bye for now.
What do you even write in a blog? My friend Trevor has one, and he talks about everything. But that's because he has so much knowledge about everything and he has so many problems (sorry Trevor if you ever read this) he can just post post post and never get tired of it. He made me decided to actually start a blog. But as I sit here and type this all I can think of is what will I be writing next? What will make other people want to ever read my blog, if anyone even finds it to read? What is it that people would like to read about me, or from what happens in my life? I cold write about my relationship with my boyfriend. But who would want to read about a teenagers relationship and how in love she is with him? I could write about the problems I have with my mother, but who wants to hear a teenager whine and complain about a life she should be thankful she has? I could write about my senior year adventures and all the exciting things I will do and never forget. But lets face it, where I live there is nothing to do so that would be a story ending quickly. I could write about all 3 of those things since that would be what consumes my life and then just hope for the best. Maybe that's what Ill do. And maybe no one will ever read, maybe a bunch of people read. I guess all I can do is hope for the best.
I'm gonna stick to this blogging thing. I kind of like it. Its nice to just write, get everything out and talk (type), since I have the problem of talking to people or just sharing my feelings in general. Sure, other people will see it but, I see it more as of talking to a computer. Yeah, I guess that would make me sound a little bit weird. Oh well though. We all are in our own little ways.
Hm, what more could I write here to make all you more interested in my blog other than me just talking about how I hope you all read it. I guess I could just start with the basics of my life and tell you a brief summary of what Ill more than likely be writing.
Well, I'm a Senior in High School and I couldn't be more excited. Yeah, in a couple of years I would be begging to go back, but right now, I just wish it would all end. I'm tired of seeing the people that I hate, tired of all the drama, tired of all the worrying about grades. Yeah, Ill be going to college (hopefully) and I will have to worry about a majority of the stuff there to, but I feel like it will be a much better experience than High School.
My boyfriend. I guess you could say that I'll more than likely post about him a lot. Not that I want to or anything but just for the fact that he's basically everything to me, and I spend most of my time with him. We've been dating for 7 months. I know 7 months and he's everything to me, and I spend all of my time with him, you all must think I'm crazy or something. The thing is though, we've been best friends for 5 years before we dated. We've been through more problems than I could ever imagine going through with somebody. But honestly, I'm glad its been with him though. I know I'm getting mushy about it. But when you've known or been apart of someones life for that long you get mushy. Most importantly, you fall in love. Another blog, another day, I just might tell the things we've gone through. But lets just hope he never finds out that I decided to run a blog and talk about him. He might not care, then yet again you never know. One day I might just show him this, I just might.
The problems Ive had with my mother I've had for just about as long as I can remember. Sure when I was 7 I didn't have problems with her. I think it would have started when I hit 6th grade so that means I would have been about 12 years old. Sure you can sit there and say that's the age around when kids start to have problems with their parents. But I'm 17 now, and nothing has changed, I still don't like her, once again sure I'm just a teenager, but I have the feeling that it will be like this for a long time, if not forever. I sometimes get the feeling that Ill end up like her and her mother. She doesn't talk to my grandmother at all. As a matter of fact I always get this strange feeling that she hates her for the childhood that she had. You figured since my mom knows that I don't like her, she wold do something different but she doesn't. You think she would have in the back of her mind that I'll probably be like her when it come to that when I'm older. I wont want anything to do with her. Oh well, she did it to herself. Thank goodness when December 14th comes around she cant tell me what to do. Sure her house her rules. But all of my other brothers and sisters were told that when they turned 18 they could do whatever, and they did. Seeing as I'm the youngest, I herd all of this. And I will raise hell if its not the same for me.
I feel like Ive talked about myself enough within this blog. And I don't have much of anything else to say, everything else just deserves its own blog when the time comes to talk about it.
Good bye for now.
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